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Dear Faith,

Is It Wrong to be A Virgin until Marriage? I have been dating my boyfriend for one year and six months now. I am crazy in love with him and it feels like he is too. Our parents know each other but my parents don’t know we are dating. They think we are just friends. I’m 22 years old and he’s 24. He says he is not ready for marriage because he has not achieved enough to take care of me, but he plans to marry me and has said it severally to me and both our friends. He says he loves me too much to cheat on me, but the past one year has been hell for him. I hate to see him in so much pain so I don’t know what to do. These days I don’t even know why I’m keeping it anymore. Since I’ve found the one. But then I worry that I’ve kept it for so long and all the long years would now go to waste. He is not threatening to break up with me or anything but for him to keep repeating it then it’s really affecting him. I’m so scared I don’t know what to do. I love him and I don’t want to lose him. 

Dear Poster,

Hmmm. Is it wrong to be a virgin until marriage? This is a very serious and tricky one. It is clear you love your boyfriend and that’s why you are even considering this. Your subconscious is already subtly reacting to his pressures and that is why you don’t know why you are still single. I think you need to take a break from talking to him, not a relationship break but do not see him for at least two weeks. In that time, I need you to pick out your journal and write out the reasons why you are still a virgin and what virginity means to you. Write the benefits, write the consequences should you lose it. If he eventually breaks up with you afterwards, would you regret it? If you would then don’t do it. Do not let your emotions cloud your thinking. You don’t think he’s threatening you. I beg to differ. Constantly talking about something he clearly can’t change is indirect psychological blackmail. He wants you to see his pain and save him. I understand him as it will be hard for someone that has already been sexually active to abstain from sex, but in the long run, if he truly loves you, he’ll work hard and make himself marriageable on time. He’ll work with your limit and prioritize your values and treasures above temporary pleasures. I hope this has been helpful.

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