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Dear Faith,

I am writing this with so much pain in my heart. My husband last night had his way with me without my consent. I cried while he did it and it didn’t stop him. I challenged him after by telling him he raped me but he says in marriage it is not rape.

He almost raped me this morning again, if not for our neighbors who came knocking after hearing my numerous screams. I recently had a child and the operation involved them cutting my private area to bring out my baby because her head is so big. The process of sewing it back has made sex so painful and I can’t see myself doing it for now. I have begged my husband to give me some more time, it has been only two months but unfortunately he last night raped me. It didn’t hurt as much as I thought but the pain of him doing it without my will was what hurt me.

He has refused to see what he did as rape and he almost did it again. I feel so betrayed and it is making me look at him differently. I don’t want to hate my husband but I need him to know it is wrong and shouldn’t happen again. I want to ask, is there anything like marital rape? I will definitely read every comment. Thank you.

Dear Poster,

I am saddened that this has happened to you and that you feel this way given everything that you have been through. I think you should visit a gynecologist to address your health concerns concerning painful sex.

With regards the rape, a man having his way without your consent in or out of a marriage is rape and you can fight it in the law court. But for this situation, you need to tread carefully. This is because it is the duty if both man and wife to ensure that your spouse is sexually satisfied in marriage.

Try to explain with the help of the gynecologist your current concerns and give him a specific date for when you will be fine. You also explore other means to meet him halfway in terms of his sexual needs. Also, make sure he understands that having sex with you without your consent is rape and he thinks this way because of societal stereotypes. You can show him educative articles on this. If it continues to put a strain on your relationship then you both will have to see a therapist or marital counselor.

I hope this has been helpful. If you have any further answers or personal experience to share to help her get through this, please share them in the comment box below she definitely will read them.

If you have any personal stories please send them to [email protected] with the subject relationship talk with faith.

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